A lot of what we know is wrapped up in words...

For an interesting foray into conversational differences between the sexes, consider reading Deborah Tannen's "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation." You've probably noticed that a lot of my book recommendations have to do with books about language. Our memory is supported by the structural skeleton of language--a lot of what we know is wrapped up in words. The biggest failures of communication between product designers and their audience come from language failures.

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Deborah, you just dont understand.

If I were speaking to Deborah Tannen I would affirm that today you just don't understand! Her mound of literary pop crunch socio babble gobbled up by the masses and heralded as a scholarly work is wholly inaccurate in society today. Plausible in its best propositions and time frame, "You just don't Understand" was written in the late eighties where women were struggling for equity and identity in the workplace. Tannen, professor of linguistics, purports the proposition that in conversation there are two lenses one male one female (and only two?). That in conversation men view the world as hierarchy, longing for autonomy and unilaterally make decisions (like the hunters of a primitive society), while women look to build consensus within a network and to grow intimate bonds with individuals through their communication methods (like the shepherds and community builders of the same society). These propositional gems are all framed around stereotypical conversations between men and women like one of my favorites: asking for directions while driving (who does not have GPS TODAY!). Her main propositions purport the stance that if men and women understood each other's framing of each conversation then instead of walking away with different ideas or emotions of what was said there would be some equity. I could fill in many personal examples where her insinuated generalizations of the way men and women communicate are ghastly and inaccurate, but I think that it is common knowledge in today's integrated world. Women and men communicate effectively every day in common place interactions both walking away with whatever they felt was correct through their own personal frame of reference or lens, to criticize or generalize one or the other is irresponsible. To portray them in a scholarly work through stereotypical situations is deplorable. Yes there still is inequality in America's social and economic systems, however viewing the inequality through Tannen's lens of communicational stereotypes would not be productive, and only would widen the narrowing gap between gender s equity. Maybe I shouldn't be as critical of her work, Maybe I shouldn't view the work through my own lens of personal experience, But then I would be the same as Tannen, and then I too would have written a best seller, and who can argue with success.

I have yet to receive the product---poor service + delivery of product

I have yet to receive the product even after contact the vendor---poor service + delivery of product.

I don't don't understand

I found it difficult to read and enjoy. There were a bunch of examples that I failed to connect to.

Interesting and usefule...

Clearly men and women have difficulties communicating at times and it can be extremely frustrating inside of relationship. Learning the dynamics of successful communication takes patience and a willingness to understand that men and women ARE different. Tannen's book demonstrates this fact in an easy to read and useful style. I also highly recommend Breaking the Argument Cycle: How to Stop Fighting Without Therapy by Sharon Rivkin. Rivkin shows that we often fall into a particular pattern of arguing that can live on for the life of a relationship and create painful and ongoing conflict. Her highly effective techniques show how to resolve conflicts in a simple, three-step process and turn even the most argumentative relationships into loving and intimate bonds that can last a lifetime.